Yeah, I am going to post more in my blog, that really lasted a long time didn't it. It must be the ADHD.
Cancer isn't so bad or scary, at least not to me. This time I could only handle one round of chemo (did I tell you that already?) landed in the hospital because the blood tanked, scare the doctor tanked, ambulance to the hospital because I couldn't drive myself. Hey at least I was able to drive to the doctor's office, and get there on time. I knew when to admit I couldn't do it.
Had surgery (did I tell you?) They did a Whipple on me. Took out my gallbladder, 40% of my pancreas, the duodenum, re-routed my stomach and liver and what was left of the pancreas. Had a feeding tube I didn't use, the damn liquid food made me sick, so I stopped it and ate real food.
My son came back to Virginia to watch over me, thank you Jim, and I will always hold dear to my heart what you said as I started to pass out on the way to surgery. I have always known that, and wonder how you have ever been able to deal with a nut job like me as a mom.
Jasmine came to Virginia for a week, and it was wonderful to see her, and I have her Dad, Jim Sr, to thank for that.
Surgery was March 13th, I was back to work part time two weeks, or was it three, after that, full time at the end of April.
Now that I may have bothered you with the same details again, on to what has been rolling around my head.
Yes, the thing with the cancer was part of the thought process for a couple of days, and then I started to realize how that since I move to Virginia, I have been on this incredible journey of self discovery.
It is amazing. I went through a move, got a job in a field I really didn't know much about, got divorced, lost 125 pounds, dealt with cancer twice. And all through it have been able to see the little changes that have occurred and taken place.
The biggest thing is renting space in my head to people or situations that do not belong there. Fuss or complain about it and let it go. Keeping it going around and around in your head does you no good, and gives them the last laugh because they are getting to you even when they aren't trying to.
One change is a trash company I changed to a few years ago that had free recycling containers. So I got the container, and recycle. They have the ability to crush and shift the different types of acceptable material. If everyone could do that it would make a major change in the environment.
And yes, when people come over and toss recyclables in the wrong container I tell them and pick through the trash to put them In the recycle bin. Right now I have two trash bags of regular trash in the can; it has been 3.5 weeks since the regular trash went out for pick up. I am amazed at the reduction.
I also got a bunch of fake Tupperware from the dollar store, and like Jim, make several meals at once. He will freeze them but I just make enough that I will have lunch and dinner for three or four days, then make more. Some things don't freeze then reheat well.
Another one of the things I try to keep up with but I am bad at is when I go out to eat (last time was when Jim was home, if you don't count the lunch one day last week) take a container and put half the food in it. Two meals for the price of one.
I'm also more OCD about dust, and I am back to vacuuming twice a week, and keeping the sink clean and wiped out.
Before Jim went back to Mississippi to finish his PHD, I went to Lowe's and bought some window boxes for the deck, and a couple pots. Filled the window boxes with herbs, and a couple pepper plants, put some tomato plants in containers, and decided to re pot the couple of house plants I ended up with. Since then I have added a couple flowering containers to the deck and a beautiful Avocado tree that I started from a seed, a really nice size palm tree (Ikea for ten bucks!!! it is 4.5 feet tall!), and a few other plants. Oh yeah, and two strawberry plants too. Forgot the lavender, I have to get more of it, it seems to help keep flying bugs away.
I need to rearrange things a bit on the deck, but it is a very serene place to sit and have coffee, or laze in the sun when it come over head. (Yes I am sitting in my little Oasis now.)
Oh, here is another change/growth. I decided to compost, and yes, I did my research on it. I am lazy, and I know it, so keeping my trash to compost and taking it downstairs and hauling in to the back, yeah, it'll happen like keeping up with this blog. Who knows maybe it will eventually, but it is a big change that I can't do right now.
I even looked at the electric one you could keep in the kitchen, it composts dairy, meat, everything but paper. It constantly rotates the stuff, No odor too. But if I am trying to reduce my "carbon footprint" doesn't that electricity count? Grant it is suppose to run on about a dime a day, but still. Hell, I am trying to keep the AC at 80 when it is hot and humid (if it is 90 and really humid, 80 and low humidity will feel great). So do I really want to get an electric composter?
Yes, I am composting, but I am worm composting. Red wigglers, and yep, the compost container is in the house. It only smells like dirt when I open it. The worms are doing a pretty good job and fairly quick too, and as long as the paper doesn't have staples in it or the glassine windows in the envelopes, I can add the shredded paper to the compost, napkins and paper towels too, as long as they don't have cleaning solution on them. But I think the homemade container is better than the one I got from Amazon. Just saying.
Speaking of cleaning, I found (again) the Heinz Cleaning Vinegar. 6% acidity, it isn't the easiest to find, but worth it. I have no idea why I stopped using it. Put orange peels in it to give it an orange scent. I use it straight, on everything. Put it in a spray bottle and go to town. I just make sure that the spray isn't too fine of a mist, because it can irritate the throat and lungs. Yeah, you smell vinegar, but that smell goes away, and you are left with just clean. (Make sure to toss your rags that you clean with in the washer when you are done, or you will smell them.)
Last week I did a Spring Clean Cleaning using the vinegar instead of the usual cleaner, house was spotless, smelled clean, and best of all, the vinegar softened my hands rather than drying them out like the Mr. Clean or Pine Sol, or any of the other cleaners I have used. (The only one I like better than the vinegar was the Orange Clean that used to be sold at Wal-Mart. I miss that stuff, smelled like fresh squeezed oranges, and did one hell of a great job cleaning the shelter, and a bottle went a long way too.)
The whole point to this is I have changed. Changed a lot since I left Cleveland. I have changed for the better. But the changes didn't happen over night, it took a while, I have been here for five years. There have been lots of little changes that ended up being bigger changes.
And I am still changing, growing as an individual, growing as a part of the world. There are still parts of my personality I really don't like, but I am taking baby steps on improving that. I really do need to start a regular exercise program, not the hit or miss like I have. Thinking about it now, I really did not like myself at all when I lived in Cleveland. Now, I do, I even like being by myself, and am OK with it. I learned I don't need someone in my life to complete me, only I can complete me. I am a work in progress.
What started all this? Cancer. Cancer really started me on the road to change. Even in 2003. It made changes. Cancer nearly killed me three time. But I made it, and grew from it, and changed. Took some time, and lots of little changes but I changed and grew and I am continuing to grow.
Life is good, especially when you can sit on a deck, with ice coffee, two Pitts, know your two adult children love you just for you, can listen to the birds, cicadas and crickets in perfect evening weather.
Yes, life is good. I hope each and every one of you make little tiny changes that bring you joy.
