To be honest, just about everything I have done on my "adventures" (including my day to day not so high pressure life - seriously, my stress factor is dust and dog hair and keeping the house looking clean).
It has been mentioned from time to time (OKAY, I harp on occasions) but it is something that needs to be revisited.
Let me explain something first. To me there are fears and there are phobias. A phobia to me is something that can literally paralyze you. Okay, so they can be the same. Just thinking about some of mine and how they affect me. But a fear can be not doing something because you don't know how, or are afraid of looking foolish, or meeting new people.
When I decided to jump out of a perfectly good plane, for example. There was fear. No doubt about it. But not so much that it paralyzed me. So I jumped. Guess what? It was amazing.
I have issues with meeting new people too. I am uncomfortable. Yes, I have trust issues. I feel awkward, out of my element. What is my element? My home. My Kindle. The library. So going and doing new things requires me to actually push myself. I am a great actress. Most people say I look like I am comfortable with new folk. I try.
Trust me, I can talk myself out of doing something very easily, and stay in my "safe" bubble.
That brings me to phobias. Yes, you can overcome them, and work on it. Depending on what it is, you may be able to go it alone, or get a little help from your friends.
For example. Spiders. I hate, hate, hate, hate them. Bugs too for the record (some more than others). When you live on your own, you have to learn to deal with them. I am not totally fine with spiders, but now I can smash them to smithereens with something. Or spray the insecticide on them. I don't like it, and my stomach flops after I am done, even can have the shakes, but I am not as bad as before. Trust me, there are some that I will not deal with and run, screaming like a little girl to get a way from, and find someone else to kill the spider or bug. Just looking at pictures of them creeps me out so bad I get nauseated.
Haven conquered the fear, but I have gotten better.
Now onto the big one. One that I can panic from. I am terrified of water above my head. I mean, when I first started this venture, full tilt panic. But I like the water, it is peaceful when not storming - so go figure.
I started facing the water fear four years ago? I made a dream trip to Bali. I always wanted to scuba dive somewhere the water is clear. I can swim underwater, so of, go figure. I never said this made any sort of logical sense. My swimming ability has been drastically reduced since they removed the left hamstring. I never realized how useful the hamstring was in swimming until I tried. OH, yeah, I have been afraid of the water since I was around 10. Nearly drown. Yes, after that I learned to swim, but it didn't help much.
The instructor was really understanding. I wouldn't call what we did diving, but I got into the clear ocean, when down a few feet, came up, went down a few more feet, came up, did that probably five or six times before panic starting edging in. The water being so clear was a help I believe.
I also dislike smaller boats. I am afraid they will flip, and I'll be in deep water that is murky and can't see in. Paddle boats aren't too bad, they seem harder to flip over. Canoes on the other hand. Well....
One of the times I was visiting New Orleans, Jim, Liz, and I went to City Park. They didn't have any kayaks, but they had canoes. Jim and I had one, Liz I believe got the last kayak.
I had a death grip on the sides of the canoe. But gradually I relaxed, and started taking pictures. Oh, there were a couple times I grabbed back on the boat with that death grip, but I made it.
Today I got into a kayak. They had an intro to kayaking for seniors, so I signed up for it. I made myself get up at 06:00 to go. Took care of the dogs, made coffee, grabbed a sandwich for a snack. I was set. Got into the car, my mind started coming up with all the reasons why I SHOULDN'T do this. All I could think of was the kayak flipping over and me being stuck underwater. OR just flipping it and being embarrassed.
Gritting my teeth, I drove to Curtis Lake Park. There were a total of seven people there for the class, everyone else had been in a kayak before, on vacation or with rentals. They wanted a better idea of the right way to kayak.
They had us all introduce ourselves and explain why we had taken the class. It was my turn. "Hi, I am Jean Lee, and I am here to face one of my fears. I have never been in a kayak before."
To say getting in was a bit awkward puts it very politely, but I got in and didn't flip it.
The one volunteer could tell I was a bit apprehensive, and she talked me through a couple of things. I finally relaxed (still had a death grip on the paddle) but I was able to stop and just be. Whenever I got antsy, I stopped, breathed and was just there.
Rowing got a bit frustrating for me. I rowed like a drunken sailor. After awhile, I was doing it decently, and could feel the difference in the kayak movement, but as soon as I realized I was rowing correctly, I lost the rhythm.
Would I do it again? Yes. Would I still be afraid? Yes. There is a trip they are doing Tuesday from Crows Nest, and if I didn't have to get my stuff together and packed for Adult Summer Camp, I'd go. Yes, I pack and unpack just so I can Tetris everything into the smallest space possible.
Come to think of it, I will be doing this again at Adult Summer Camp. There is even beginner rapids.
What fear have you faced? It doesn't have to be a big huge effort. Sometimes, just the act of a person walking out the front door is facing a fear. For some females, walking out the door with no makeup on is terrifying.
So what little fear have you faced today.
