First of all, let me reiterate that this is NOT my first rodeo with cancer. The first time I lived in Cleveland, and was a patient at the world renowned Cleveland Clinic. (Right now I am trying to convince my self to order breakfast and eat, but eating means pain later and I am not hungry)
The Cleveland Clinic is a GREAT hospital, and the doctors and nurses I dealt with are WONDERFUL. (Now remember this was 2003) and I can't complain one bit about how I was treated. I loved all my nurses there, the doctors too, but if I had to deal with Cancer again, I am glad it is with the Doctors and Nurses of Mary Washington.
First, when I go for my chemo, I do them as out patient. (yeah I know when I really make it there) it isn't like walking into an institutionalized hospital room, you come up to a building that looks like a ski lodge. When you walk in there are two fire places, large roomy waiting area, and you feel like you should be getting your ski lift ticket and skis, along with a hot chocolate.
The treatment areas are open and have huge windows that over look a wooded area, and if there were snow on the ground, you'd think you should see a ski lift. The only thing missing is a fire pit in the middle of the room.
The staff at Hematology and Associates rock too. Doctors and nurses. I can't say enough good about them. The level of care that the staff gives is second to none. It is a less stressful way of getting chemo, I don't have to stay in the hospital for 5 days, I get to go home, and while I am there I know I am in good hands. Yes, when I get home I hook myself up to an IV and fluids and drugs to protect my kidneys, but the point is I am at home.
There is also a bond that forms amongst the chemo patients. I was cold on Thursday, didn't bring a blanket, and one gentleman going through chemo let me use his. When I went to the ER on Tuesday, they were all concerned, and worried. The nurses told me that they asked how I was doing. Because you don't always see the same people all the time. Sometimes the room is full of chatter and laughter, sometimes it is quiet. There seems to be a bond that binds us all in that room, something unspoken, we are all facing the same thing, we are all facing the same possible out comes, we all choose to fight.
Now my experience being in the hospital is way different too. At the Clinic, again this is no dish on the Clinic, everything was institutionalized. Breakfast was at 8 AM, lunch Noon, dinner 5 PM. You picked your food off of a menu, circle the item. If you go there long enough, you know the menus by heart, you had choices, but the same choices. Every Monday the menu was the same, so you always knew on Monday you would order the cheese ravioli. There were three choices like salmon, ravioli, or hamburger.
Here at Mary Washington, I have a Menu. Seriously, I can go down the list of choices and order "room service". It is up to the patient to what variety they want and when they want to eat, not on someone else's schedule.
Most of the chemo rooms are private, and to be honest, I prefer that, I am one of those people who are a sympathy puker. I hear the person in the next bed puking, I start to puke, not good when you are trying to get the nausea under control.
Let me tell you no one has a better nursing staff either. Sorry Cleveland Clinic, but Mary Washington has you beat, and I loved the staff at the Clinic.
It is a totally different feeling here, you don't feel like it is an institution, you feel like an individual, like someone. It is an amazing difference. Everyone, I mean EVERYONE that you come in contact with asks to be sure if you are ok, and can they help you in anyway.
Since I was destine to go through this again, I am glad I am in Virginia, and I am so very glad it is with the staff of nurses and doctors here at Mary Washington. They rock. And although I am very grateful to the Cleveland Clinic for the success of treatment and the experience, Mary Washington has you beat hands down.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Saturday, February 19, 2011
A Recap of the week, or How to scare your family and friends to death in seconds
Ah now that I feel more human, and have access to my laptop.
The week in retrospect:
February 14 - Round one: went OK
February 15 - Round two: went to er, released
February 16 - Round two.one felt OK
February 17 - Round three felt like crap but went through
February 18 - On way to chemo appointment decided ER the better choice
February 19 - Hospitalized eating yuck
Got home, did my hook up with the IV and Mesna (drug that is suppose to help prevent damage to the kidneys) Don't remember unhooking my self from the IV, going to bed, kept getting up, shooting pain in the lower left abdomen. I do remember hearing Baily cry in her crate, and was hoping Michelle would hear her, but she didn't then Baily got really crying, so I got up, she had flipped the tray out of her crate and pooped. Took her out and she finished her job, went in cleaned up did the nature's miracle and little green clean machine, and left the light on and let the dogs in the bed. I knew something was wrong so I left the bedroom door open and Michelle when she got up checked on me, I told her that I wasn't going in but I needed to go to chemo. She went to work and one of the Marines came to bring me to the appointment, but on the way I told him call Michelle, look up Doctor Vaughn from Hematology and Associates and tell them I am not going to my appointment I am going to the ER something is wrong.
Got to the ER and they had all my stuff, and whoosh, they did a brain scan, wanted to be sure the cancer didn't spread to my brain. Hey I have a brain!! Who knew?? :
I can't do Atavan. I suffer lucid hallucinations from it, and won't allow them to give me that or any other drug in that group. Yep had hallucinations. They start off mild, and get worse. The nurse came in to give me more stuff for nausea, and my comment was great, more hallucinations, she looked and got me off of them and on to something else. Apparently most people react to pain and discomfort with a higher BP, not me, mine drops. 70/56 I think was the lowest. Guess I really am an anomaly.
Spent most of the day and night in la la land. The nausea stuff makes you tired. But I couldn't keep anything down yesterday. Today I was on a clear liquid diet, a "liquid" diet, strained oatmeal and strained cream of wheat is nothing but starch, and strained potato soup is nothing but starch, but the orange sherbet went down and stayed along with tea. Won't drink hospital coffee. YUCK!
Next step is soft foods, and then solids. If I eat and keep them down, I can go home sometime tomorrow. Release date is still to be determined.
Did you know that on a full liquid diet you can have either strained oatmeal (starch) or strained Cream of Wheat (disgusting) or strained potato soup (basically run a potato through a sieve, boil it and strain it what is left is "soup") Nasty. I tried to eat them, honest I did, but I would have puked.
But the Orange sherbet was good, so was the tea and lemon. Even the prune juice tasted better than the soup.
So what happened? Basically it is a combination of things. The Ifosfomade (chemo drug) can cause "ticks" or "twitches" and hallucinations, normally in men that have testicular cancer, add to that being dehydrated, and a raging UTI (urinary tract infection - again no symptoms) You get one confused woman, who only knows something isn't right, and starts asking questions for the worst case scenario.
And trust me, I did. So with the sincerest of apologies to those I had frightened, I plead I was out of my mind, but wait, the Brain Scan said I had a brain, just no brain cancer.
Ok, so I plead it was the drugs. All drugs.
That was my week how was yours?
The week in retrospect:
February 14 - Round one: went OK
February 15 - Round two: went to er, released
February 16 - Round two.one felt OK
February 17 - Round three felt like crap but went through
February 18 - On way to chemo appointment decided ER the better choice
February 19 - Hospitalized eating yuck
Got home, did my hook up with the IV and Mesna (drug that is suppose to help prevent damage to the kidneys) Don't remember unhooking my self from the IV, going to bed, kept getting up, shooting pain in the lower left abdomen. I do remember hearing Baily cry in her crate, and was hoping Michelle would hear her, but she didn't then Baily got really crying, so I got up, she had flipped the tray out of her crate and pooped. Took her out and she finished her job, went in cleaned up did the nature's miracle and little green clean machine, and left the light on and let the dogs in the bed. I knew something was wrong so I left the bedroom door open and Michelle when she got up checked on me, I told her that I wasn't going in but I needed to go to chemo. She went to work and one of the Marines came to bring me to the appointment, but on the way I told him call Michelle, look up Doctor Vaughn from Hematology and Associates and tell them I am not going to my appointment I am going to the ER something is wrong.
Got to the ER and they had all my stuff, and whoosh, they did a brain scan, wanted to be sure the cancer didn't spread to my brain. Hey I have a brain!! Who knew?? :
I can't do Atavan. I suffer lucid hallucinations from it, and won't allow them to give me that or any other drug in that group. Yep had hallucinations. They start off mild, and get worse. The nurse came in to give me more stuff for nausea, and my comment was great, more hallucinations, she looked and got me off of them and on to something else. Apparently most people react to pain and discomfort with a higher BP, not me, mine drops. 70/56 I think was the lowest. Guess I really am an anomaly.
Spent most of the day and night in la la land. The nausea stuff makes you tired. But I couldn't keep anything down yesterday. Today I was on a clear liquid diet, a "liquid" diet, strained oatmeal and strained cream of wheat is nothing but starch, and strained potato soup is nothing but starch, but the orange sherbet went down and stayed along with tea. Won't drink hospital coffee. YUCK!
Next step is soft foods, and then solids. If I eat and keep them down, I can go home sometime tomorrow. Release date is still to be determined.
Did you know that on a full liquid diet you can have either strained oatmeal (starch) or strained Cream of Wheat (disgusting) or strained potato soup (basically run a potato through a sieve, boil it and strain it what is left is "soup") Nasty. I tried to eat them, honest I did, but I would have puked.
But the Orange sherbet was good, so was the tea and lemon. Even the prune juice tasted better than the soup.
So what happened? Basically it is a combination of things. The Ifosfomade (chemo drug) can cause "ticks" or "twitches" and hallucinations, normally in men that have testicular cancer, add to that being dehydrated, and a raging UTI (urinary tract infection - again no symptoms) You get one confused woman, who only knows something isn't right, and starts asking questions for the worst case scenario.
And trust me, I did. So with the sincerest of apologies to those I had frightened, I plead I was out of my mind, but wait, the Brain Scan said I had a brain, just no brain cancer.
Ok, so I plead it was the drugs. All drugs.
That was my week how was yours?
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Day 3, Cycle 1, with a recap of yesterday
Well lets just say that I set my chemo treatment back a day. Severe abdominal pain, bad enough to make my skin turn white, and drop my blood pressure to 50/76 (still running low 108/86 this AM).
After I logged off yesterday I literally stood up and the pain kicked in, I walked up to the nurse that was making coffee for the patients and told her I think I need help. Then started seeing the stars knowing I was going to pass out. Got back to my seat, and the staff kicked in. Doc sent me to the ER, they were afraid that somehow I perforated my bowel. Rather frightening. I know I frightened many people, not only my family, but people I work with and the staff here. (Remember I said cancer is harder on the people around us)
But it just turns out that the alien growing in the abdomen is growing, and trying to push everything out of the way, more so than before.
No I wasn't admitted to the hospital, if I had been my chemo treatments would have to stop, and both the Doc and I agree that it needs to keep going.
Other that that, I really don't feel so chatty at the moment, so I am going to see if I can nap away my treatment time.
After I logged off yesterday I literally stood up and the pain kicked in, I walked up to the nurse that was making coffee for the patients and told her I think I need help. Then started seeing the stars knowing I was going to pass out. Got back to my seat, and the staff kicked in. Doc sent me to the ER, they were afraid that somehow I perforated my bowel. Rather frightening. I know I frightened many people, not only my family, but people I work with and the staff here. (Remember I said cancer is harder on the people around us)
But it just turns out that the alien growing in the abdomen is growing, and trying to push everything out of the way, more so than before.
No I wasn't admitted to the hospital, if I had been my chemo treatments would have to stop, and both the Doc and I agree that it needs to keep going.
Other that that, I really don't feel so chatty at the moment, so I am going to see if I can nap away my treatment time.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Day 2, Cycle 1 of self imposed Poisoning and other things
Ah come on, you got to admit the title is funny, and true. It is self imposed, it is a choice I made of my own free will.
Think about it, I have the choice of getting treatment or not. Free will, my choice. I have the choice to continue to go though treatment and surgeries, or to say no.
I have the choice to say I will fight to live or just lay down and die. Sorry, ain't choosing the latter. I have a few more things left on my list of things to do in life. Like dating, travel and the such. Don't worry Jim, I will try not to say things that will mortify you and Jasmine. :D
Oh, and on the poisoning aspect of the title, I am being pumped with chemicals that do poison my body, the drugs don't know what is a healthy cell or a cancer cell, it kills indiscriminately, hence all of the side effects both present and future of the drugs. It is a part of the price to pay for the opportunity to live life as full as possible. A price I am fully willing to pay, even if some of the chemo drugs I receive may cause a future cancer.
Yesterday by the time I was finished, I had to call for someone to come and pick me up. I drove myself, and I fully expected to have this chemo start off like the one in 2003. I didn't feel the dizziness or nausea until hours after the final treatment the first round. Four days of chemo and I didn't feel it until I was in a grocery store. I remember thinking when I was leaving the hospital that I was going to handle the chemo just fine.
I went into chemo this time expecting to have it not effect me until Friday. I was glad they decided to do my therapy on an outpatient basis, because, I'd just drive my happy ass to work after chemo, at least during the first cycle.
WRONG!!! Boy was I wrong. I started feeling dizzy during the treatment. Not that fun kinda dizzy you get if you have a nice buzz going, (don't ask) but that "UH OH I think I am going to be sick" dizzy. Dizzy enough for me to know I wasn't going to drive feeling like that. Making me pick up the phone and ask for help.
Asking for help for myself isn't easy for me. When I ran the shelter, I had no problem asking for help for the shelter, I have no problem asking for help for a friend, asking for help for myself, well that is a different matter entirely.
But I sucked it up and asked. I texted my friend Michelle, and called my boss, Glen. He told me not to worry, they would make sure I got home ok.
I got home ok, and Glen even took Bailey out to potty. I forgot to tell him her trigger words, "Potty potty, poopie, poopie", but Bailey was good and peed for him.
I work on a Marine Base, no I am not a Federal Employee or a Marine. I am a contractor. Long story. But I hope that anyone who has the opportunity to work on a Marine Base is lucky enough to work with Federal Employees, Contract.ors, and Marines that I get to work with.
They are a truly amazing group of people, from our Branch Head to each and every one I work with. It is better that working with family. I can't say enough to make you understand how it feels.
I know that they will be there to help me when needed. It is amazing. I know that my back is covered. I think part of it is the people, they are the most amazing people to work with, even if we are getting on each others last nerves, we get along. I would do anything to help any
one of the guys I work with (yes I do work with some females, and I include them in the guys term).
So why do I have a hard time asking for help when I need it? I don't know. I wired myself that way. Yes, I did it myself. Goes back to the choices thing. As a kid, I chose to be the quiet dependable one who always listened and got good grades. My choice for many years was to be a wall flower. Life has a way of kicking you in the ass and I decided that I was never going to be dependent for anything. Well people have a way of taking things to the extreme.
Even though I don't view it as a weakness but a strength when one asks for help when needed I just have a hard time doing it. But one thing that cancer has taught me is to humble my ego and ask for help.
Which gets me onto another tangent. Cancer is harder on family and friends. No doubt. They feel helpless. They cannot do anything to take away what is going to happen, they can't change it, they can't make it go away. They feel like all that they can do is sit and watch someone they care about go though hell on earth.
Trust me it is no picnic getting chemo, or going though the surgeries, but I know it is all harder on them. They worry, worry too much if you ask me.
So as cancer patients (hate that word victim, and I think I said something about that earlier) what are we suppose to do? Realize that it is harder on them. Think about it. How would you feel if it were someone you care about?
I asked for help and it was there. I feel grateful to have so many people in a support network that I know will be there for me. The thing I have to be diligent about is not to ask for help when I am capable. Not to abuse my friends and family's willingness to help. And I fully expect them to tell me if I get to that point. But if I can do something myself, I will.
Now here is something that blows every parents mind. My kids give me the same advice I have given them through their lives. It is an amazing, humbling experience. A feeling that I experience every time my son Jim gives me the advice I had given him through the years. My daughter Jasmine feeds it back to me too. LOL!
Yes I am proud of both of them. I can honestly say that the two things I did right in life was have my children, and make some of the hard choices I did. They have turned into the most amazing adults.
Ok, so now I am bragging, I am allowed, it is my blog after all.
One thing to remind you about, I will be posting pics, some of them may be gross, but the grosser ones will be from the tumor removals. Yep I want pictures of the tumors they remove.
Now I think I'll stop and do some bill paying.
One more thing before I sign off, don't expect all of the time, or to deal with the exact thing I am going through. Or to make sense, be properly spell and proper English. The drugs will see to that. I will be thinking I am typing the most eloquent writing of all time, and it ends up being well, not so.
You have been warned!! :D
Think about it, I have the choice of getting treatment or not. Free will, my choice. I have the choice to continue to go though treatment and surgeries, or to say no.
I have the choice to say I will fight to live or just lay down and die. Sorry, ain't choosing the latter. I have a few more things left on my list of things to do in life. Like dating, travel and the such. Don't worry Jim, I will try not to say things that will mortify you and Jasmine. :D
Oh, and on the poisoning aspect of the title, I am being pumped with chemicals that do poison my body, the drugs don't know what is a healthy cell or a cancer cell, it kills indiscriminately, hence all of the side effects both present and future of the drugs. It is a part of the price to pay for the opportunity to live life as full as possible. A price I am fully willing to pay, even if some of the chemo drugs I receive may cause a future cancer.
Yesterday by the time I was finished, I had to call for someone to come and pick me up. I drove myself, and I fully expected to have this chemo start off like the one in 2003. I didn't feel the dizziness or nausea until hours after the final treatment the first round. Four days of chemo and I didn't feel it until I was in a grocery store. I remember thinking when I was leaving the hospital that I was going to handle the chemo just fine.
I went into chemo this time expecting to have it not effect me until Friday. I was glad they decided to do my therapy on an outpatient basis, because, I'd just drive my happy ass to work after chemo, at least during the first cycle.
WRONG!!! Boy was I wrong. I started feeling dizzy during the treatment. Not that fun kinda dizzy you get if you have a nice buzz going, (don't ask) but that "UH OH I think I am going to be sick" dizzy. Dizzy enough for me to know I wasn't going to drive feeling like that. Making me pick up the phone and ask for help.
Asking for help for myself isn't easy for me. When I ran the shelter, I had no problem asking for help for the shelter, I have no problem asking for help for a friend, asking for help for myself, well that is a different matter entirely.
But I sucked it up and asked. I texted my friend Michelle, and called my boss, Glen. He told me not to worry, they would make sure I got home ok.
I got home ok, and Glen even took Bailey out to potty. I forgot to tell him her trigger words, "Potty potty, poopie, poopie", but Bailey was good and peed for him.
I work on a Marine Base, no I am not a Federal Employee or a Marine. I am a contractor. Long story. But I hope that anyone who has the opportunity to work on a Marine Base is lucky enough to work with Federal Employees, Contract.ors, and Marines that I get to work with.
They are a truly amazing group of people, from our Branch Head to each and every one I work with. It is better that working with family. I can't say enough to make you understand how it feels.
I know that they will be there to help me when needed. It is amazing. I know that my back is covered. I think part of it is the people, they are the most amazing people to work with, even if we are getting on each others last nerves, we get along. I would do anything to help any
one of the guys I work with (yes I do work with some females, and I include them in the guys term).
So why do I have a hard time asking for help when I need it? I don't know. I wired myself that way. Yes, I did it myself. Goes back to the choices thing. As a kid, I chose to be the quiet dependable one who always listened and got good grades. My choice for many years was to be a wall flower. Life has a way of kicking you in the ass and I decided that I was never going to be dependent for anything. Well people have a way of taking things to the extreme.
Even though I don't view it as a weakness but a strength when one asks for help when needed I just have a hard time doing it. But one thing that cancer has taught me is to humble my ego and ask for help.
Which gets me onto another tangent. Cancer is harder on family and friends. No doubt. They feel helpless. They cannot do anything to take away what is going to happen, they can't change it, they can't make it go away. They feel like all that they can do is sit and watch someone they care about go though hell on earth.
Trust me it is no picnic getting chemo, or going though the surgeries, but I know it is all harder on them. They worry, worry too much if you ask me.
So as cancer patients (hate that word victim, and I think I said something about that earlier) what are we suppose to do? Realize that it is harder on them. Think about it. How would you feel if it were someone you care about?
I asked for help and it was there. I feel grateful to have so many people in a support network that I know will be there for me. The thing I have to be diligent about is not to ask for help when I am capable. Not to abuse my friends and family's willingness to help. And I fully expect them to tell me if I get to that point. But if I can do something myself, I will.
Now here is something that blows every parents mind. My kids give me the same advice I have given them through their lives. It is an amazing, humbling experience. A feeling that I experience every time my son Jim gives me the advice I had given him through the years. My daughter Jasmine feeds it back to me too. LOL!
Yes I am proud of both of them. I can honestly say that the two things I did right in life was have my children, and make some of the hard choices I did. They have turned into the most amazing adults.
Ok, so now I am bragging, I am allowed, it is my blog after all.
One thing to remind you about, I will be posting pics, some of them may be gross, but the grosser ones will be from the tumor removals. Yep I want pictures of the tumors they remove.
Now I think I'll stop and do some bill paying.
One more thing before I sign off, don't expect all of the time, or to deal with the exact thing I am going through. Or to make sense, be properly spell and proper English. The drugs will see to that. I will be thinking I am typing the most eloquent writing of all time, and it ends up being well, not so.
You have been warned!! :D
Monday, February 14, 2011
Happy Valentines Day, Chemo starts today
Why do they call cancer patients victims? I'm no victim, I am a patient, I am sick, I am NOT a victim. Oh hi, how are you?
I stepped outside this morning and looked to the sky, I saw a beautiful blue sky, and I saw three eagles playing on the currents. The sight never bores me. It is an incredible, beautiful site. Since I have moved to Stafford, I have been lucky to be able to watch Eagles play in the air currents, I hope that you get that chance. Oh,I guess I should give you a bit of background on me a bit of the first dance.
My first dance with cancer was in 2003. It all started in January (wow, any wonder why I don't like January?) I had a large growth on the back of my left leg. Visited an Urgent Care center, freaked the doctor out, ended up at the Cleveland Clinic, and my biopsy was done January 30th. They called it a round cell sarcoma, I called it a big inconvenience to my life. It was a large tumor that wrapped around my left hamstring. Three rounds of MAID chemo (Mesna, Adrimyicin, Ifosfamide, Dacarbazine). I also underwent radiation. During radiation you are literally cooked from the inside out. (By the way, never put Solar cane on a radiation burn, WAY BAD IDEA).
I went through several surgeries in 2003, they removed my hamstring and did a free flap replacement (basically they took my right latisimus muscle and put it over the exposed bone and nerves. Useless muscle, but it protects nerves and bone.) And several skin grafts. (The kept failing). Was in a wheel chair when I left the hospital, by my birthday three weeks later I was walking on crutches, then on my own. Finally learned to walk in heels again!!! :D
Hey, did you know that there are two kinds of plastic surgery? Seriously there is! There is the cosmetic type that makes things look better, and there is the utilitarian, the kind that puts you together and leaves some damn ugly scars. Trust me I have some ugly scars, but I am very proud of them. I guess I collect scars. I have a few, and none of them are from scarification.
I now reside in Stafford, Va, and work with the best bunch of people you would ever want to work with, seriously, if you could choose family, I would choose these people.
Ok fast forward to December 2010, went to the doc's got a clean bill of health, but I wanted to know if something more could be done for the stress leaks other than kiegels. Was given a name of a urologist. Started feeling like I had some kidney stones. That didn't thrill me at all.
So I go see the Urologist on January 5, 2011, he says I am symptomatic of kidney stones, only one thing is missing. No blood in the urine. I need a CAT scan. Ok, not my first rodeo, so I already know what he is thinking.
CAT comes back with a small tumor, So I go to another Doctor, and he confirms it, schedules a biopsy. January 18th, my biopsy in 2003 was January 30th. Yeah, can we make it any closer??
Then I got a CAT of my lungs, guess what? Totally different type of tumor growing in the lung. I showed no symptoms of the one in the lung, no swelling of the neck, no swelling of the right arm, no swelling of the right hand. Oh, it is the size of a grapefruit. No shortness of breath either.
Told my doctor that this is getting in the way of my life I have things I want to do this year, like date.
In 2003 I was considered a Stage III because of the size and the aggressiveness of the tumor. This time I have two different tumors and on size alone they are Stage III. So since I have two does that mean I am stage VI? LOL!! Come on now, there is no Stage VI!!
I think chemo is going to be a bit harder this time. I am on the last dose and I feel weird. Guess I need to call for a ride. I was hoping that it wouldn't start this soon. Damn, I hate imposing on people.
Cancer is hardest on the friends and family, just tofa let you know. We cancer patients, all we have to do is do the chemo and get sicker, do the radiation, and the surgery, and perhaps die, the family and friends, you have to deal with watching someone get sicker in order to get well, I feel sorry for you guys. You are in that place of what do I do.
God, I do love the people I work with. I just called and told them I needed a ride, and I'll have one.
That means so much to me, I could actually cry, and I don't cry. Ask those who know me.
I actually had lots of different ideas of what to type before, smart, witty, funny, but every time I thought of them I was doing something else. Yeah, so this is what you get, sorry, not funny, not smart mouthed.
See ya all tomorrow.
I stepped outside this morning and looked to the sky, I saw a beautiful blue sky, and I saw three eagles playing on the currents. The sight never bores me. It is an incredible, beautiful site. Since I have moved to Stafford, I have been lucky to be able to watch Eagles play in the air currents, I hope that you get that chance. Oh,I guess I should give you a bit of background on me a bit of the first dance.
My first dance with cancer was in 2003. It all started in January (wow, any wonder why I don't like January?) I had a large growth on the back of my left leg. Visited an Urgent Care center, freaked the doctor out, ended up at the Cleveland Clinic, and my biopsy was done January 30th. They called it a round cell sarcoma, I called it a big inconvenience to my life. It was a large tumor that wrapped around my left hamstring. Three rounds of MAID chemo (Mesna, Adrimyicin, Ifosfamide, Dacarbazine). I also underwent radiation. During radiation you are literally cooked from the inside out. (By the way, never put Solar cane on a radiation burn, WAY BAD IDEA).
I went through several surgeries in 2003, they removed my hamstring and did a free flap replacement (basically they took my right latisimus muscle and put it over the exposed bone and nerves. Useless muscle, but it protects nerves and bone.) And several skin grafts. (The kept failing). Was in a wheel chair when I left the hospital, by my birthday three weeks later I was walking on crutches, then on my own. Finally learned to walk in heels again!!! :D
Hey, did you know that there are two kinds of plastic surgery? Seriously there is! There is the cosmetic type that makes things look better, and there is the utilitarian, the kind that puts you together and leaves some damn ugly scars. Trust me I have some ugly scars, but I am very proud of them. I guess I collect scars. I have a few, and none of them are from scarification.
I now reside in Stafford, Va, and work with the best bunch of people you would ever want to work with, seriously, if you could choose family, I would choose these people.
Ok fast forward to December 2010, went to the doc's got a clean bill of health, but I wanted to know if something more could be done for the stress leaks other than kiegels. Was given a name of a urologist. Started feeling like I had some kidney stones. That didn't thrill me at all.
So I go see the Urologist on January 5, 2011, he says I am symptomatic of kidney stones, only one thing is missing. No blood in the urine. I need a CAT scan. Ok, not my first rodeo, so I already know what he is thinking.
CAT comes back with a small tumor, So I go to another Doctor, and he confirms it, schedules a biopsy. January 18th, my biopsy in 2003 was January 30th. Yeah, can we make it any closer??
Then I got a CAT of my lungs, guess what? Totally different type of tumor growing in the lung. I showed no symptoms of the one in the lung, no swelling of the neck, no swelling of the right arm, no swelling of the right hand. Oh, it is the size of a grapefruit. No shortness of breath either.
Told my doctor that this is getting in the way of my life I have things I want to do this year, like date.
In 2003 I was considered a Stage III because of the size and the aggressiveness of the tumor. This time I have two different tumors and on size alone they are Stage III. So since I have two does that mean I am stage VI? LOL!! Come on now, there is no Stage VI!!
I think chemo is going to be a bit harder this time. I am on the last dose and I feel weird. Guess I need to call for a ride. I was hoping that it wouldn't start this soon. Damn, I hate imposing on people.
Cancer is hardest on the friends and family, just tofa let you know. We cancer patients, all we have to do is do the chemo and get sicker, do the radiation, and the surgery, and perhaps die, the family and friends, you have to deal with watching someone get sicker in order to get well, I feel sorry for you guys. You are in that place of what do I do.
God, I do love the people I work with. I just called and told them I needed a ride, and I'll have one.
That means so much to me, I could actually cry, and I don't cry. Ask those who know me.
I actually had lots of different ideas of what to type before, smart, witty, funny, but every time I thought of them I was doing something else. Yeah, so this is what you get, sorry, not funny, not smart mouthed.
See ya all tomorrow.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Welcome to my second dance.
Yes, dance. If you think about it, life is a dance, sometimes a dance that is graceful and beautiful, sometimes it is clumsy and we fall on our asses. But hopefully we learn from our falls and become better individuals for the fall.
Don't expect to read posts on the poor me side, don't expect regular posts, I tend to get distracted - oh look shiny!! :D
What you will find here are my experiences in dealing with the past and current cancer, how it affects me personally, and how I see it affect those around me.
Trust me it affects your friends and family more than you realize. I think it is hardest on them.
A short first post to be sure, but I need to take my dogs out to go potty. Yes, I have two dogs, and I will NOT give them up. I have given up many things, but I will not give them up. Although, I will have to give up cleaning the poop up in the potty spot in the yard.
So sit back relax, and expect to read things that make you say, "Did she really type that? or say that?" Trust me, I did.
Don't expect to read posts on the poor me side, don't expect regular posts, I tend to get distracted - oh look shiny!! :D
What you will find here are my experiences in dealing with the past and current cancer, how it affects me personally, and how I see it affect those around me.
Trust me it affects your friends and family more than you realize. I think it is hardest on them.
A short first post to be sure, but I need to take my dogs out to go potty. Yes, I have two dogs, and I will NOT give them up. I have given up many things, but I will not give them up. Although, I will have to give up cleaning the poop up in the potty spot in the yard.
So sit back relax, and expect to read things that make you say, "Did she really type that? or say that?" Trust me, I did.
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