I think I explained before that I am an introvert with extrovert tendencies. Well, I pretend to have extrovert tendencies.
To be honest, lots of things make me nervous as hell. Mainly has to do with people, going into new situations, and the such. I am terrified of looking like an imbecile. Seriously, don't laugh.
Working out I am self conscious as hell. No, it isn't a body image thing, and yes I started working out (maybe strengthening my body will help defer the expiration). I work through my exercises thinking, well not thinking really, I try to block everyone and everything out. Am I doing this right? Of course I am. But no one showed me, well I followed the pictures on the machine.
Oh man, when I go into a setting having to deal with a group of people, yeah, I just want to turn around and leave. Again, I don't like feeling like an imbecile. Even if I have a good idea of whatever it is, I get antsy. It is worse when I am rusty on it. Shit, then I think why the hell did I sign up for this in the first place.
You are thinking something like this "But she isn't afraid of cancer and dying?" To answer you, no I am not. I know my body, the signals, how it reacts. Death is just a transition. But dealing with new people on a one to one, or going into a group to deal with them alone? I am quaking in my boots.
When I went to Bali a few years ago. My first trip out of the country, alone. Didn't bother me in the least. I have no idea why. Camping with my dogs, no problem. I function very well independently. Public stuff, not so much.
Now what brought this up again? The following video. I need to be more like that young man. Talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and facing your fears!! Bear with me and watch. Once you do, you will understand.
After you watch the video, shut off the phone, computer, the whatever, and go outside, live life, laugh and maybe face one of your fears. After chemo, I am going to.
This young man faces his fears Click the link to see. He is my new hero.
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