The Holidays and Cancer

I hope this finds everyone healthy, happy, and looking forward to celebrating with family and friends.

This Christmas is my first Christmas past my "expiration" date or hospice date of  December, 2018.

Actually I am calling it my "first" Christmas.  On a Facebook post in the group "Jean's Bucket List", I posted that I wanted cards to celebrate.  It has been shared 145 times the last time I looked.  Not bad for a no body.

To be honest, I was hoping the cards would come in and help boost my spirit.  I won't lie, this is a weird way to celebrate a holiday.  The first one past when I was expected to be dead?

I find myself on an emotional rollercoaster.  And no where on this trip is the holiday spirit showing its merry little head.

Bailey

I'm somewhere in Stage IV, bordering on Stage III in the emotional department. The Four Emotional Stages of Terminal Cancer.

I'm grateful I am still here, but I also feel guilty I am still here.  So many that had cancer are not.  Why am I?  I keep saying I am still here because I need to be a pain in the butt for my son and daughter.  Which, I pray I am not.

People keep asking me what I am going to do for the holidays.  The week before I will be able to spend time with my son, still working on a way to see my daughter, schedules interfere.  On the day itself?  December 25th?  I will be home with my two dogs. There is a maybe of meeting a friend for dinner, she's spending the day with her dog too.

I have a good life. Not every exciting, but I have a roof over my head (thanks to my son), and loveable 

Sasha

dogs (again, thanks to my son :D ).  Just in case you don't know, I have two rescue dogs.  I don't go anywhere if I can't take them or have someone I trust come babysit for them.  Sasha, the 10 year old is a nervous nelly.  She is scared of loud noises.  The training from the base has her hiding in the closet.  Bailey the 9 year old is the one who could care less, so she always is there with her, watching over her.

Huh, right now I feel better, so I am off to vacuum and do some laundry.