The Third Time Around

Well, I was hoping to get at least a five year break in between bouts of caner, but it seems this time I only get a year. 

I have accepted the fact I will never be cancer free, I am okay with that, all I want is more than one year in between.  I'd of liked to be in better physical shape.  Year one after the huge mess was to be rest, eat, work, get a tattoo, and nothing other than enjoying life, notice I didn't mention working out?  Well I started to and figured I needed to rest from that too.

January 21 I started to feel a little bloated.  Like I was pregnant again and the kid was pushing his feet up against my ribs.  (No I am not pregnant, you have to have sex to get that way.)  The next day the bloating settled into a pain along the right side of the stomach, controllable with ibuprofen, the next day it was worse.  Thursday at 3AM I am texting my housemate, Michelle, can you bring me to the ER?

Three hours later and a CT scan later, the ER doctor came in put my bag on the floor and looked at me with the saddest face.  I knew then.  He told me to make an appointment with my oncologist ASAP.

I looked at him and laughed.  Okay, I was hoping that I wouldn't be seeing him regularly for awhile, and I was really hoping that it would be appendicitis.  Ah well, no such luck.

So the following Monday I am off to see Dr. Vaughn.  Just to hear "You are complicated, I am going to bring your case in front of the Cancer Board Wednesday to come up with a game plan."  Let me tell you something, no woman wants to hear she is complicated from a man, especially so if the man happens to be her Oncologist.

I had to go for a port study because my port isn't operating properly, you can't draw blood but you can push fluid. Turns out end of the tube is right up against the heart wall, so they cannot draw blood. Every time they try to draw blood the suction pulls the tube to the wall.  They can push fluid.  So my blood draws are through my arms.  I hate that.  I am a hard blood draw, tiny veins, lots of scarring, they roll and disappear. 

So thanks to the ER visit, and the visit with the doc and the port study, I have met my out of pocket expenses already.  The deductible is a killer, but I'll deal with that.

So the kibosh has been put on my wonderful plans for 2013.  What plans??  Well here is a short list:

1. Dating. I figured that I would start dating, hey a year of getting the clean bill of health from the doctors.

2. Two maybe three tattoos, already have the design in the head, and it all depends on cost.

Well, the third and fourth I am not going to mention.


Get your damn minds out of the gutter.  If you are a friend of mine it is in the gutter by nature.

The treatment is going to be 6 cycles, 5days per cycle, each cycle is 6 hours long.  The up side is the fact I will be going through one cycle a month, so every fourth week is chemo.  Hopefully this helps with the side effects, but with me you never know.  Feeling the nausea and head ached already, and talk about water weight gain, my face is puffy.  And this is day two!!

I refuse to go through this with a puffy face a sausage fingers, just refuse, they will have to do something about it.  And soon.

I am home for the night, started this during chemo.  Feeling like nap time, but that will translate into most of the night, and it is only 15:30, 3:30 for those who don't think 24 hour clock.

The up side, no radiation.  The tumor is too near vital organs that I need and the radiation would do more harm than good.

Someone said maybe the third time is the charm, maybe the third time will be the last time I have to kick cancer to the curb and I can live life without that shadow hanging over my head.  I can only wish, but as my Dad would say "Wish in one hand, shit in the other" translation, don't waste your life on wishes, actions make things happen.

The optimistic/pessimist in me is how I am dealing with it.  Hope for the best/expect the worst.  The best would be the cancer is gone forever, period.  The worst would be it is gone for a period of time.  Hopefully longer than a year.  Either way, it is a pretty damn good outlook.

I do need to do a will.  I think I will work on it tomorrow, and then get all those damn calls made to make sure the insurance, 401k, have the right beneficiaries and percentages.  Would be nice to have it in one place too.  Hey, better be prepared just in case. 

One side effect of this is about halfway through the chemo I start craving coffee.  Fresh brewed, plain old coffee with a bit of half and half.  Yesterday, I thought maybe Mocha from McDonald's because I don't like their coffee, yuck!!!! Tasted like sugar.  Got home pulled out the Cuisinart (out of Doughnut House Kcups) and made a cup of coffee from fresh ground beans, so tasty.  Then promptly went to bed at 6ish.  (I got home around 5).

Tonight I had to stop at the Navy Fed ATM, and right across the way is a Dunkin' Doughnuts.  So After the ATM, I drove over to the Dunkin' and got the Dunkin' Kcups (expensive little bastards) got home and brewed me a cup.  Ah perfection.

I think the chemo weeks are going to be tough, but as long as I have my Dunkin' Doughnuts Kcups I'll be alright. 

And with that let me leave you my gentle readers with this:  Coffee makes everything better, coffee understands.